In banking, we do a lot of transactions. Deposits. Transfers. Withdrawals. We make decisions several times a month, even daily, about what we will spend money on, what we are willing to invest in, which bills to pay, and whether we need more clients or even a new job to help us afford it all.
This applies to relationships, too. I’ve been thinking about this on and off recently, and it’s come up once or twice in interactions and in things I’ve read or heard as well. Daily relationship transactions either add to or subtract from our “relational capital” with people in all areas of life.
Think of it this way. When you see someone and interact with them, do they walk away feeling like something good has been deposited into their lives? Or was their interaction with you draining? Will they want to interact or do business with you again anytime soon?
In business, many companies with solid relational capital have been building relationships with their clients and customers for a long time. For example, I’ve been going to the same hairstylist for probably 20 years. I’ve lost count. I can expect a consistent environment and a welcome acceptance in how he and his staff relate to me. I’ve seen him at least 15 times a year for many years and am always treated like they’re genuinely glad to see me.
It doesn’t take much to build relational capital, but it’s amazing how easy it is to lose it, to make a withdrawal. Here are some examples:
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treating people rudely, either overtly or by ignoring them
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talking so much that people can’t get a word in edgewise
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speaking so little that you seem aloof
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not following through with what you say, such as “I’ll get back to you” or “we should have coffee sometime,” and then either not getting it done or never scheduling that coffee
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not being reasonably responsive to emails, texts, or calls
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posting things on social media that don’t line up with how you are really doing life or business
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gossiping about customers, clients, or coworkers, especially if you get caught
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not saying “thank you” or expressing appreciation regularly.
Conversely, here are some ways to build capital that don’t take much effort:
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greeting coworkers warmly
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asking interesting questions without interrogating
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adding one warm, courteous line to most emails
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working on remembering people’s names
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paying attention when people mention birthdays or something significant, then remembering to honor it appropriately when the time comes
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doing something kind for the team without announcing it
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cleaning up after yourself
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greeting and chatting with vendors and other service providers by name when possible, such as front desk staff, custodial staff, or restaurant servers
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praising companies online and when necessary, giving feedback privately and directly.
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admitting when you are wrong.
Over time, people do business and repeat business with people they know, like, and trust, even if those people sometimes make mistakes. It may take a few extra seconds to make deposits, but the payoff is often well worth it.
It’s best to do these things without watching for payback. Do them because that’s how you want to show up. But I’ll bet you will also receive some blessings from it in the form of steady business, recommendations, and friends or family who want to be around you.
How have you built relational capital today?